One day it'll all just end

OK, the title sounds rather depressing, but it's not, honestly. It stems from a question which looms around many of our heads: where did we come from and where are we going? Of course, I could discuss this on a large scale, taking into account the universe etc. but at the moment my thinking is more situated around humans and where we're headed to. I've come to think it's possible that with humans having evolved to have a more complex genetic structure that maybe there has become more room for minor mistake to arise and go unnoticed until they become something big. I haven't heard of mental illness in an animal. However this could be because we can't communicate with them, thus it'd be difficult to spot symptoms, maybe they have different ones to us? Anyway, it's things like that which make me question our 'superiority' as humans, I wonder if, with our gradual rise in intelligence we're becoming more unstable. I wonder if we're becoming too aware of ourselves; pondering over things which need not be thought about, such as 'where did we come from', a good, thought provoking, mind stimulating question however also a highly controversial question which between the less civilised of our kind can spark hatred and wars in way of words. Such a question can also cause many religious believers to doubt their beliefs, and upset the balance of their lives, so to speak.

There is a thin line between genius and insanity" springs to mind when thinking of our race, as it seems we're close to the line. Very close. Figures for teenage mental and emotional health issues are up in the UK which leads me to wonder if genius only comes with insanity and vice-versa, that you can't have one without the other? Is this something we'll overcome? Is it just a fluctuation due to current climatic and economic conditions? Will we lead ourselves to destruction, or even the end due to our thirst for technology, energy and our rapid population of the planet?  These are my musings and thoughts and are not here to spark controversy in any way, however thought provoking thoughts etc are welcomed with open arms!

Apologies, lover.

I don't know what else I'm supposed to do. He says it seems like I don't care, truth is I don't. I lie, I do. That's the problem: every time he's forgetting, I pop up, because I 'care', I just want to know how he's doing, for my own closure. Maybe that's me being selfish? He thinks I'm perfect, one in a million. I laugh about it, he's sweet, but I tell him there are.. and believe me when I say this, there are a million other girls out there just like me. I just wish they'd stop hiding from him, because he deserves to be happy. Don't get me wrong, I'm not insanely guilty, I just wish I'd never spoken to him because maybe then he wouldn't be hurting, and nor would I. I just don't feel the same way.

Winter memories and Christmas

As winter's gnawing on my toes, I'm reminded of last winter and how much has changed since. People have come into and no doubt gone from my life, strangely though I can't think of anyone who's 'left' my life all together, maybe those that have never did anything significant enough for them to stick in my mind. It's been eleven months or there-abouts since I had my first ballet lesson, and oh how things have progressed. I've developed a few habits I'm not so proud of in the past eleven months, and a few which I'm delighted to say I've finally gotten to grips with. The picture above is from January I believe, and was taken by my lovely friend Heather, who I don't see as much of outside of school these days. My memories of her go all the way back to junior school, a time when we didn't get along, to put it nicely. I didn't get along with many people then actually. Bit of a nerd, teacher's pet, whatever. Mum says that I was 'bullied', but I don't like to use the term, I feel I brought a lot of it on myself, and that's not me blaming myself, it's the truth. I was a pretentious know it all, I guess. Strange how things have changed? Now-a-days I have a seemingly strongly bonded group of friends, who I think of as being quite alternative in pretty much every aspect of anything you can imagine. There's a mix of people, so it's not hard to have something in common with any one of them, making it easy to get along with all of them. I'm grateful for that, because no-one likes to feel alone. That's me up there, being happy with a friend, like a 'normal' teenager.

Christmas is creeping up like a bandit, as it always does and as always I don't know what on Earth to get for my parents, or friends for that matter! I pledge that from this day when someone asks me what I'd like for Christmas, I'll tell them straight what I'd like for them to get me, or even publish a list as long as that doesn't make me sound selfish?! At least then it'll be easy for people to know what at least one person on their list wants! I think that's partly the reason for my confusion as to what to get people, no one dares ask for something for fear of seeming rude. Whatever happened to "if you don't ask, you won't get"?

Big love to all those I hold dear, I needn't mention names.